Creating a "Backtalk-Free" Home


Step 1. The first step is to recognize the backtalk. Here's the best test: If it hurts you, embarrasses you, annoys you, or leaves you feeing helpless, its backtalk.
Step 2. The second step is to choose the right consequences for the behavior. You should do this ahead of time. Any backtalk or rude behavior means that the child will not do what he or she wants or has planned to do - such as go to soccer practice or a friend's house.
Step 3. The third step is to enact the consequence. Tell the child they cannot participate in the planned (sports. dance lessons, etc.) activity. In a calm voice, say that the child's behavior amounts to backtalk; this it is taking the parent's time, energy and goodwill in her efforts to deal with it; that it is not acceptable, and that they will not be doing what they planned. If the child reacted badly to this statement, the parent should proceed to step 4.
Step 4. The fourth step is to disengage from a struggle with the balktalker. If the child's bad behavior continues, the parent should calmly leave the room, leaving the child alone, thus disengage themselves from the children's struggle to have their own way.
These four steps may sound easy to implement, and for some parents they will be. But for the overindulgent parent, they will be challenging and will take lots of determination, practice, and self-control. One difficulty is that modern parents want to be good buddies with their children instead of teachers, leaders, and guides.

Bribery vs. Reinforcement

Bribery vs. Reinforcement

I agree. Bribery does not work. However, parenting experts continue to tell folks to reward their children’s behavior. The experts talk in terms of “reinforcement” but sometimes the parent hears “bribery” and as such, parents do not want to participate. Parents learn that bribery does not work; that they cannot buy good behavior… and the parents are correct.

The problem here is not with the parent, but with miscommunication on the part of parenting experts. We need to clarify what is meant by reinforcement and the difference between that and bribery.

Bribery is paying BEFORE behavior is delivered. With bribery, parents pay in advance for the “promise” of delivery. However, with payment already in hand, many kids fail to deliver. The child, having already received payment, falls short on delivery while still enjoying the payment. The parent feels deceived or taken advantage of, which in turn leaves parents even more frustrated than when they started.

Rather than buying behavior, reinforcement is based upon paying AFTER delivery. So rather than buying behavior, we are rewarding behavior that has already been delivered. Big difference.

There is a very good reason most companies have policies against pay advances. Even in adult behavior, the likelihood of delivery is less when they are paid in advance. When homeowners negotiate with contractors for home renovations, they negotiate a partial payment to cover some expenses in advance and a “holdback” in order to maintain the motivation of the contractor to finish the job to agreed upon standards.

So the difference between bribery and reinforcement is that with bribery the reward comes before delivery and with reinforcement, the reward come after delivery. This rule is also known as Grandma’s Rule, “Finish your dinner, then you get desert.” The trick is for the parent to not back down even in the face of the child’s arguments; dinner first, desert second.

Reinforcement is a reasonable approach to shaping behavior. Let’s face it, few adults would continue in their job without a paycheck at the end. The paycheck for kids however, does not have to be money or extravagant gifts. Just as parents appreciate recognition for their contribution at work, kids appreciate recognition for their efforts and contributions at home and school.

In the absence of such recognition-reward-reinforcement, kids like adults, feel unappreciated, then disconnected and then resentful. The same process that leads to disgruntled employees leads to disruptive kids. Flip side is, reward given as recognition, attention and appreciationafter deliver, goes a long way to improving relationships and increases the likelihood of future delivery… on the same terms.

Hopefully this clarifies the difference between bribery and reinforcement. Your kid cleaned up… let them know how pleased you are.

The Family Chip/Reward System


If your child is having a lot of difficulty getting along at home consider using the "Family Chip System." This is a very powerful tool. When used consistently, most children will show great improvement within just a few weeks. The program provides immediate reward for appropriate behavior. By the way, if you have other children around the same age as the child for whom you are designing this program, put them on the program as well. Children really like this system.
Here are the steps to follow to use this program with your child:

• Purchase a box of poker chips from the drug store.
• Hold a family meeting to discuss the need for the program. Tell the children that it will help them to learn to be in charge of themselves. You can tell older children that this system is similar to what adults experience:
  • (1) Adults earn money for working; 
  • (2) Adults spend their money on things they need as well as a few things they want.
• Develop a list of behaviors they will earn chips for. Start with the morning and then go throughout the day looking for behaviors to reward. These can include positive attitude, self-help behaviors and chores. If you are using a behavior modification program for school you can give them chips for each point earned on that system. Some possibilities are: getting up on time, brushing teeth, getting ready for school on time, playing nicely with brother or sister, completing chores such as feeding a pet or taking out the trash, saying please and thank you, doing things the first time they are asked, doing homework without a fuss, getting ready for bed on time, going to bed on time, cleaning bedroom.
• Agree on a list of privileges they will earn and pay for with chips. Some privileges will be bought for the day, others will be bought for a period of time (usually 1/2 hour). These can include: watching TV, playing outside, computer time, renting their bike or other large toy, playing a game with a parent, etc.

Earn Chips For: 

• Picking up bedroom
• Making bed
• Brushing teeth 
• Setting the table 
• Ready for bed on time 
• Going to bed on time 
• Doing things first time asked 
• Saying please and thank you

Privileges To Spend Chips For: 

• Family privilege 
• Toys, etc.

Practice giving and receiving chips before starting the program. The practice should be based on the rules for parent and children provided below:
Rules for Parents When Giving Chips 

• Be near your child and able to touch him (not 20 feet or two rooms away).
• Look at your child and smile. 
• Use a pleasant voice tone. 
• Make sure your child is facing you and looking at you. 
• Praise your child "Hey that’s great. You’re really doing a nice job. That’s really helping me." Reward you child with chips "Here’s two chips for doing a great job." 
• Describe the appropriate behavior for your child so he know exactly what behavior he is being praised and rewarded for. 
• Hug your child occasionally or use some other form of positive touch. 
• Have your child acknowledge you such as, "Thanks Mom" or "O.K."

Rules For Children When Getting Chips

• You should be facing your parents, looking at them and smiling. 
• You should acknowledge the chips by saying "O.K.," "Thanks," or something else pleasant. 
• The chips should be put in a specified container. (Any chips left lying around are lost.)
• Post the list of behaviors and chips earned in a convenient place.
• Let your child decorate a paper cup in which to keep their chips. Place the "bank’s" chips is a jar or bowl and put it in a place that is out of reach of children.
• Start using the program. Feel free to modify the program at any time by holding a meeting. Sometimes point values need to be raised or lowered to achieve a goal. You may add or remove items from the list as well.

After about 6 weeks, you may be able to start short trials off the system. Say, "Today we are going to try not using the chip system. If things go well we will try it again the next day." If the trial is successful continue for about a week. If things continue to go well, hold a meeting and celebrate all that you and your child have both gained from the system. If your child is not ready, continue with the program.

A short-term behavior modification plan can break through a cycle of bad behavior in your child. Think of it as a learning tool to help your child move forward to a new level of social development. Four to six weeks on the plan is usually enough to change one or two specific behavior problems. At the very least, your child will have a clear understanding of your expectations for his behavior, even if he is not yet able to consistently maintain the desirable behavior.

Charts or Chips, Which Should You Use?

A poker chip system is easy and inexpensive. All you need is a box of poker chips and a package of the new disposable food containers. Introduce the plan in a positive way when you show your child the chips and let her personalize her box with markers and glitter. The poker chip system is effective because it encourages immediate consequences for positive and negative behavior.

A chart system is useful when chores or homework are the issues. Use daily stars or stickers for completed tasks with weekly rewards for good performance. Weekend privileges or rewards are clearly dependent on consistently responsible behavior through the week. Charts make sense to kids, and they take pride in a full page of stickers showing their good behavior. Use your word processing software to make a chart, or find some on the Web.

Steps to the Plan

1. Make a list of desirable behaviors that your child needs to learn.If using a chip system, focus on one or two specific goals for intensive behavior change. Or, make a list of generally desirable behaviors, such as cooperation, honesty, kindness, and responsibility. Then, you decide when to reward the child with a chip when he exhibits these qualities. With a chart system, you can use a longer list of specific tasks or behaviors that earn a sticker.
2. Make a list of undesirable behaviors that your child may exhibit.You will need this list to clearly identify the specific behaviors that will cause your child to lose chips (fines). This step is optional if you choose to use a chart system, or you wish to start a chip system using only positive reinforcement. Some examples of undesirable behaviors that could be fined are non-compliance with a parent's request, arguing, and tantrums.
3. Make a list of privileges that your child can earn with chips or stickers.The list needs to include a variety of activities that your child enjoys.
4. Assign values, in number of chips or stickers, for the identified behaviors and privileges.For the system to work effectively, the rules for behavior and rewards should be presented so that everyone clearly understands the plan. Small rewards, such as an hour of choosing her favorite TV programs, will usually cost one or two chips. The price is higher for larger rewards, such as dinner out with the family at the child's favorite restaurant. With a chart system, you can assign levels for different privileges. Earning all stickers every day for a week deserves a big reward. You keep the chart system motivating when you reward smaller privileges based on the number of stickers earned.
5. Introduce the system to your child in a positive way.Most kids enjoy a behavioral system because it helps them know what is expected of them in a structured, but fun way. Explain that you want them to learn good behavior and habits, and this is a way to do it. Begin immediately, and reward chips and stickers generously. If your behaviors and privileges are not lining up fairly, or your child begins to manipulate the system, change it at the end of the week.
6. Be consistent with the system for at least four weeks.If your child changes some behaviors immediately, continue to positively reinforce him for those behaviors, while adding one or two more challenges to his list of rewarded behaviors. After a few weeks on the chip system, take a break and observe your child's progress. You can start back when you recognize a problem. You can use a chart system indefinitely; the beginning of school or summer is a good time to start it.

Printable Charts from the Web

• Make a Cute Custom Chore Chart to Print DTLK
• Find a Wide Selection of Free Printable Charts Free Printable Behavior Charts.com
• Cute Behavior Chart for Young Kids Chart Jungle
• Chore Charts Chart Jungle
• Chores for Children Checklists Useful idea from My Parent Time
• Simply Great Chore Chart The Youth Online Club
• Nice Printable Charts Homeschool Forms on the Web
• Free Child Training Resources ADHD of the Christian Kind
• Print and Give Special Awards for Special Effort Very cute from Billy Bear's Playground

Mesh panty-Hot Pink       Size Price Order 3x  $12.90 Quantity:    4x  $12.90 Quantity:    2x  $12.90 Quantity:    XL  $12.90 Quantity:    L  $10.70 Quantity:    XS  $10.70 Quantity:    M  $10.70 Size M is currently out of stock! S  $10.70 Size S is currently out of stock!

E-mail this product to a friend

Football Jersey Babydoll       You'll score a touchdown in this sheer and sexy short sleeved knit chiffon Football Jersey Babydoll. Babydoll is black with pink and white trim, and has a pink "69 Tackle Me" logo on the front. He just might receive a penalty for holding. Comes with matching thong. Item Code: DG6314 Price: $ 25.95      Select Size     QUEEN        Select Color         Size Chart  Quantity:

V

	Double-O Panty Powernet Booty Bra Moderate Control		Double-O Brief Butt Lifter Panty Light Control		Double-O Tummy Tuck Panty Girdle & Lifter Everday Control
	Double-O Brief Butt Lifter Panty Strong Control		Double-O Butt Lifter Powernet & Knee-Length Strong Control		Double-O Highwaist Powernet Strong Control
	Double-O Capri Powernet Strong Control		Double-O Highwaist Powernet Dual-Compression		Double-O Brief Latex Maximum Control
	Double-O Highwaist Latex Maximum Control		Adjustable Bum Bra Variable Lift with Waist Cincher
	Pick-Me-Up Collection (Lifting without padding)
	Pick-Me-Up Boxer Covered Cheeks Max compression		Pick-Me-Up Brief Covered Cheeks Max compression		Pick-Me-Up Bodysuit Full-coverage Max compression
	Pick-Me-Up Boxer Bodysuit Covered Cheeks Strong Control		Pick-Me-Up Powernet Bodysuit Covered Cheeks Strong Control
	Bum Lifting Bands Collection (Booty Bras)
	Butt Booster Bands Garter-style Butt Lifter		Butt Boosting ThighShapers Thigh Slimmer Butt Lifter		Butt Boosting Capris Footless Stocking Butt Lifter

Trinny And Susannah: The Lollipop

Filed under Bigger On Top

Trinny and Susannah’s Lollipop shape is described as big tits, slight waist, slim hips and long legs.

Think tall and slender, almost boyish really. Legs and arms will be long and slim leading to hips that are slender and a waist that is barely there. A lollipop is sort of straight up and down, right up to the chest where suddenly there’s curves a plenty. This is the shape that Trinny and Susannah refer to as “tit’s on a stick”.

This shape is touted as ideal in our “slim is everything” society. Its just a shape like any other and comes with it’s own set of traps and downfalls.

Dressing The Lollipop

As with all shapes it’s about finding balance, in this case keeping your long slender limbs from looking like sticks and your breasts from becoming the centre of attention so that you end up looking like a … well, a lollipop.

Do – broaden your hips and shoulders to create the illusion of curves

Don’t – over emphasize the length of your legs or they will look endless and the rest of you like a brick sitting on top of stilts.

Do – open up your chest to reduce the impact of your breasts.

Dont’ - cover up your neck and chest with swathes of material as you’ll end up looking like a snake that swallowed a couple of melons.

Clothing – what to avoid

Turtlenecks – or in fact any high necked top as they will make your breasts look huge and oddly out of alignment.

Shift dresses – a dress with no shape to it will just hang from your breasts and hide the rest of your shape.

High cut shirts or tops – the same with turtlenecks covering up your breasts creates unbalance.

High waisted pants – your legs will look freakishly long and the rest of you freakishly short.

Vertical stripes – you’re tall and slender as it is and vertical stripes just emphasize that fact and make you look out of balance.

Clothing – what shapes to look for

Flared trousers or jeans -  the hems of the trousers will balance out your breasts and you’ll look impossibly tall and curvaceous. Stay away from high waisted pants and jeans and instead opt for mid to low rise.

A fitted dress – something that opens up your chest so your breasts don’t seem trapped and emphasises your waist. Other than your breasts you don’t have a lot of curves going on and that just emphasises your breasts. Drapey fabrics are far better as they’ll lovingly hug your hips and again create curves.

Scoop nec k top – along with v necks scoop necks are an essential part of your wardrobe, preferably in knit fabrics. They open neckline will open up the chest area and take the focus off your breasts whilst the rest of the top will hug your waist and emphasise your curves.

Waistcoats - anything fitted through your waist is going to both de-emphasize your breasts and create curves. If you don’t like waistcoats try a corset over a shirt although be careful because this will up the sexy quotient enormously.

Skirts in drapey fabric -  drapey fabric with hug your hips and legs. The fabric will move sinuously and the hem adds a little extra flip making your hips seem wider and sexier.

Fluted skirt – much like the pants with bell bottoms a fluted skirt, with its flaring hemline, will offset your breasts and make you look tall and curvy. This particular skirt is a more firm fabric but a fluted skirt in a drapey fabric would be even better as the fluidity of the skirt will further emphasize your hips.

Wide neck jacket or coat - an open neckline is important for anyone with big breasts so make sure the jacket or coat has wide lapels. Buttons underneath the breasts, particularly two buttons as you’re so slender everywhere else, will accommodate your breasts whilst drawing attention to the narrowness of your waist. A flaring skirt or hem will give the illusion of curvyness through your hips.

Stilleto heels – your calves are slender and lean so a thin heel is perfectly complimentary.